Daniel Powter - Love You Lately

First of all, I have to admit that I haven't actually finished reading Twilight. I have this theory that God doesn't want me to waste my brain cells on that garbage because each time I tried to borrow it,

a) It wasn't their copy;
b) I had to leave; and
c) They left it in another country (this only seems to happen when you're a third-culture kid).

But I've read enough to know that Stephanie Meyer is a terrible writer, especially for someone who has spent money on a B.A. in English from a reasonably good university (Brigham Young University), and her characters are some of the stupidest I've come across in a bestselling book.

When I reread the old stuff I've written, I wince at my use of adjectives, my attempts at explaining the thoughts going on in my character's heads and just the entire plot. Especially when I tried to write fantasy. Reading Stephanie Meyer was like rereading my old stuff. Only ten times worse, because she's an adult that's actually got a college degree in the language.

First of all, her characters are really dumb people. Bella Swan (is it with two "n's"? I don't remember) is supposed to be a sarcastic girl. When she first arrives in school, someone asks her why she's so pale, and she says, "My mother's part albino."

Um... Okay. That would actually make some sense, if you don't think about it, because albinism is inherited anyway.

And then there's the whole "beautiful Cullens" thread. I mean, shut up about their good looks already! I got that five chapters ago. I'm not a guy, I appreciate a good looking man, but I just got flipping annoyed about how good looking, well-muscled and perfect Edward Cullen is supposed to be. The "well-muscled chest" and "beautiful hands" made me want to smack Stephanie Meyer in the face.

Then there's the sickening devotion between Bella and Edward... A lot of teenage girls will say, "Oh, Edward threw himself in front of a van for Bella's sake!" Considering that he is a vampire, has supernatural strength and can't die unless someone hammers a stake through his heart, that isn't so much of a loss for him.

And then, when Bella goes shopping with friends, Edward saves her from being raped/robbed/whatever. Okay, that's nice of him... Then he confesses that he followed her.

Uh, that's not devotion. That's the sign of a stalker. And last I checked, stalkers are creepy, even in Forks.

Many reviews say that teenagers will identify with the feelings of alienation expressed in the novel. Well, the minute Bella Swan walks into high school, a guy falls for her, another asks her out to two dances (including the prom) and she has gained the attention of the supposedly hottest guy in school. (Gaining the attention of someone, even though he has the strong desire to kill you, is attention nontheless.)

Yeah, the Twilighters might say, "You're just jealous that Edward Cullen isn't yours."

Let me reply by saying, "He isn't yours either."